Please Stop Texting Me

Please stop texting me
Please
I don’t want pictures of the bottle
Of liquor
You bought
To get over me
Please stop texting me
I’m sorry it didn’t work out
But I’m sorry
That’s not
On me.

I cannot handle
“I haven’t felt depressed
Since we started talking”
Because I have felt depressed
And you don’t want to hear that
But talking about my depression
And anxiety
Is what helped you
But heaven forbid I still be struggling
Because
Well
You’re fine

I can’t sleep because I can’t breathe because
Because
I don’t know why I can’t breathe but I can’t breathe
Okay?
I can’t breathe and I can’t handle
“I haven’t felt depressed
Since we started talking”
And I can’t handle
Your bottle of liquor
Unless I
Have my own.

I can’t handle your bottle of liquor
And I don’t have my own
So unless you’d like to share
So we can both drink
Until we throw up or pass out
But then
Look at that
It’s like we’re still together
And maybe that’s why
I can’t handle your bottle of liquor

Or maybe it’s because I know
You’re drinking
To kill inside your mind
Because your dad died a year ago this month
And a year ago this month we met
But this year, and this month
We died just like you hoped your mind would
Just like I still wish mine would when I get
Too far into a bottle

I have a drinking problem?
No you have a drinking problem
Well fuck you too then don’t talk to me tomorrow
That’s
The drinking problem.
We were
We are
A drinking problem

So please
The 4am pictures of an empty bottle
Make my skin crawl
And my mouth water
Because I am up at 4am because
I don’t have a bottle.

Please stop texting me.
But your late night texts
Are the only way I know you didn’t try to kill
Only
Inside
Your mind
So when you tell me at 4am that
You want to talk but
Don’t want to be a bother,
You’re not a bother because
I want you
Alive.

And so I’m sorry
I’m sorry to whoever I love after you
Because I did love you
And I will love after you
And I will
Not
Block your number
Because I need the pictures
And drunk text messages
To tell me
You’re alive.

I can’t handle
Your bottle of liquor
And I can’t handle
“I haven’t felt depressed
Since we started talking”
But
I can handle
Knowing
You’re alive.